3 weeks old and working through this new life.

I can't tell you how many times I've thought about sitting down and writing this blog post.  It started a week ago when Ty was 2 weeks old.  Time passes by too quickly and it's very hard to get a moment to myself.  Between a rambunctious toddler who needs to know "mom" is still her mom and a very needy newborn who likes to be held more often than not, my days are mostly a blur.

Just as he proved in the womb, Ty is a challenging baby.  Our days aren't terrible but come evening and into the night he becomes very fussy.  I'm lucky to get a few hours of sleep without him in my arms.  I am exhausted, to say the least, and just praying that this temperament of his won't last for months.  I'm not convinced he isn't showing signs of colic or reflux but I'm trying to figure out his pattern and see if it's worth going to the doctor before his 2 month check.  It's very different for me as Delia was a wonderful baby.  She ate roughly every 3 hours except for during growth spurts, slept in between feedings at night and would fall asleep on her own.  We smothered her with attention of course, but she didn't need it to be happy.  On a good note, he is a very healthy eater and had exceeded his birth weight at 2 weeks. I am exclusively breastfeeding and doing it on demand.  This means he could eat anywhere from every hour to 3 hours.  He really has no set routine there.  We moved into size 1 diapers fairly quickly and even the newborn cloth I bought for him is already too small.  He has grown out of newborn clothing but is not quite filling out 0-3 month so we are sort of in between there.

Delia is doing well in her big sister role and even though she doesn't pay him a lot of attention, what she does give him has been nothing but nice so far.  I thought I would have more feelings of sadness at losing her as my only baby, but they haven't hit me.  I now look at her as my "big baby" and Ty is my "little baby".  As difficult as this adjustment has been for Seth and myself, I love our family.  I know we will fall into some regularity eventually.

Here are a few pictures from his first few weeks of life.  

 

His first bath which he hated, obviously. 

 

 

In cloth!

 

 Milk drunk.  

 

 He loves to be worn in the k'tan.  

 

oh happy day....the arrival of Ty Richard

Tomorrow is my due date, November 27th, and Ty arrived 6 days early at 39w1d.  This is the exact same time that Miss Delia Pearl arrived.  Here's the story:

Last Monday at my weekly appointment I saw the nurse practitioner, Beth.  My cervical check was the same as it had been on Friday so nothing happened over the weekend which is what I had surmised.  She was going to strip my membranes again (3rd time) and said she was known as having the "magic fingers" at the office.  She was the one who had done it while I was pregnant with Delia which later caused me to go into labor.  The times that I had this done up until now it was uncomfortable but I wouldn't say that it actually hurt.  Well, this time it hurt.  I knew that only meant that things were progressing toward the birth of my son, but it was a very slow process.  Beth said that I was welcome to come back on Tuesday for her to do it again and that they would continue to do it as many times as I wanted up until I had to be induced.  They would schedule induction between 40-41 weeks for me if I didn't go into labor.  I gladly scheduled an early appointment for Tuesday morning.  Monday I had a good deal of cramping and contractions that night for about 5 hours.  They eventually tapered off.  Tuesday's check showed that I was 3 cm and 90%.  She also stripped membranes again and when she was done, she said she could be wrong but she had a feeling she may have just set my body into labor for that day/evening.  I could only hope she was right.  Also, my induction was set for Friday the 30th if nothing happened before then.  So I left and within a couple hours I was having consistent contractions about 5-7 minutes apart that were somewhat painful.  Throughout the day they intensified and became closer together.  Seth and I headed over to l&d that afternoon but when I got there things started to slow down.  Unfortunately I hadn't changed at all from the morning and after an hour they sent me home.  I was, again, distraught and completely lost it after leaving the hospital.  The contractions that I did have were still intense and a good deal of them were felt in my back.  I decided to walk that night with my mom and two sisters (who came down from Allentown because we thought this was it) and my labor just continued on.  My contractions were inconsistent and that's what was throwing me off.  They would go from 2-3 minutes to 4-6 minutes to 5-7.  They never lost intensity though.  I tried taking a bath that night and even thought I might get some sleep but I couldn't.  I didn't know what to do.  I didn't want to go back to the hospital only to be told that I was the same but I was in pain and couldn't do anything else but think about it.  I talked with my sister and she encouraged me just to call my doctor and speak with whomever was on call (it was Charlotte, the midwife).  I did that and she said it was my decision whether I waited it out or not.  I decided not to.  Instead of waking up Seth and having to go through all the work of getting Delia moved or having someone come stay with her, my sister offered to take me over to be checked.  We arrived at the hospital shortly before midnight.  I was 5 cm!  Thank goodness because I would have bawled my eyes out (again) had I still been a 3.  I called Seth and told him they were admitting me and then we went through the process of getting moved to a delivery room, etc.

This labor was very hard on my back and I knew I wanted an epidural.  Unfortunately it can take some time to get that since they have to draw blood, send it to the lab, notify the anesthesiologist, etc.  I probably waited another two hours before he showed up or at least it felt that way.  By this time Seth had made it and my mom was on her way back from Allentown since she had gone home.  We had no issues getting an epidural during my labor with Delia but for some reason, this guy couldn't place it.  I must have been pricked 4-5 times before he got it in.  That was probably one of the worst parts.  Then he felt so badly that he actually pulled up a chair and sat in my room for the next half hour to 45 minutes to make sure that the epi took.  After every contraction he would ask me what I felt.  I thought this was really nice of him as most doctors wouldn't do it.  The epi DID take and it took well because I was pretty numb from then on.  After a little while Charlotte showed up and I was at a 7 almost 8.  It had been some time since I slept so I tried to do that.  His heart rate kept dropping a bit at the end of my contractions so they had me on oxygen as well.  At some point they broke my water and at another point my nurse came in and said my contractions were still close but they seemed to be losing intensity (they put an internal monitor on me after his heart rate was dropping).  Unfortunately I don't have much of a grasp on when all these things were happening.  I just knew they were.  They wanted to give me just a little bit of pitocin to push me the rest of the way so I could deliver.  As soon as she turned it on the lowest setting, his heart rate went again so she immediately turned it off.  Charlotte came back in to check and lo and behold I was complete and ready to have a baby! 

Dr. Probst, the OB whom I go to, was the one who had delivered Delia.  I had a great experience and really like her.  I had seen Charlotte many times in the office with no complaints but I had no idea how different the delivery might be since she is a midwife.  I am very happy with the outcome.  It was much less of a production, less people in the room and very laid back.  She was awesome and encouraging.  I didn't have to push long (20-30 minutes).  Ty was a little bigger than we expected him to be though and his shoulders ended up getting stuck.  She must have worked some sort of magic because despite how bad it looked while it was happening, he was born and I had minimal damage.  Instead of doing all big pushes there were times where she had me do just a little push here and there.  I'm so grateful.

My "little" guy was 8 lbs 6.5 oz and 20 inches.  He is the cutest baby I've ever seen.  He is a healthy eater and while we are still getting into a groove here, which will take some time, I'm so happy to have him.  It's amazing how things build up slowly and just like that it seems they are over.  I sometimes I have trouble dealing with the finality of it, but at this point I'm enjoying every little cuddle and snuggle that I can.  Big sister Delia is doing great so far.  She loves her "Ty Ty" and while we are working on what it means to be gentle, she loves to give him hugs and kisses.  I am such a lucky girl.

Shortly after delivery:

38 weeks and the neverending pregnancy.

The irony of this pregnancy (besides the obvious that I had preterm labor at 33 weeks yet am somehow still pregnant at 38 weeks) is that something that will bring me so much joy and happiness in a "short" while is currently causing so much {physical} pain and moodiness.  How many times have I said that this pregnancy is very different from Delia's?  I know I sound like a broken record but only because it's true.  Everything was so easy and effortless with her.  Despite knowing that this is it for me when it comes to using my body has a baby maker, I wonder if I had another pregnancy if it would be just as hard on me or not. 

I saw my doctor twice this past week. This is the point where things may start to get a little gross and detailed but I don't think anyone who reads this blog would care.  On Tuesday I asked her to strip my membranes, knowing it might not do anything.  I was 1.5 cm and still about 50% so she obliged.  She instructed me to go home, do what you can do at this point to naturally bring on labor (walk and have sex) and come back on Friday.  I did that and also noticed some other changes in my body so I was pleased to find out on Friday morning that I had progressed to 2 cm, almost 80% effaced and the baby had moved down a bit to -2 station.  Unfortunately, nothing monumental has happened since and 2 and a half days later, I'm still pregnant. 

I'm sure some of you (and I know other people in my life) are wondering why this upsets me so much when I haven't reached my due date yet.  I will tell you.  One: I am beyond uncomfortable.  Daily I have a variety of pains that I can't escape.  The rib burning and back pain is the worst and it brings me very close to tears some days.  Two: I've prepared myself mentally to have an early baby because of the preterm issues.  It's very hard to turn that around in your head once it's no longer a possibility.  Three: I am a giant, hormonal mess and I have lost all control.  My daily mood swings are ridiculous.  I go from being somewhat happy to okay to completely depressed within hours.  Just today I had a near breakdown over a slush from sonic.  Four:  I don't want to be in the hospital on Thanksgiving.  That one is just sort of a tag-along but it's true.  I was really hoping to have this baby before then and right now I feel like that's not going to happen.  I also don't want to be induced.  I have this great fear of induction.  I haven't had the conversation yet with my doctor and I'm also afraid that even though she might say 41 weeks is okay, I will crack and ask for it to be sooner because I'm so ready to get this baby out of my body.  What's most amazing to me is that when I see that precious little baby face for the first time, all of this will seem like it was nothing. 

So here I keep going....trucking along until it's my turn.  Please don't tell me soon though.  I can't handle that phrase anymore. 

37 weeks and my water broke! uh, just kidding.

So I made it 37 weeks (yayyy....please note my sarcasm).  37 weeks is generally considered full term in pregnancy however I've sort of been considering myself that since 35 weeks.  I really hit a low this week.  At my appointment on Tuesday I found out I've had little to no progress despite all the contractions I experienced over last weekend.  I really thought that something would have happened and I barely made it out of the doctor's office without crying.  I am just So. Done.  In addition, this little guy has made a habit of hanging out only on the right side of my belly.  He likes to keep his feet up in my ribs and it's resulted in a constant burning throughout the day.  I can't even sit straight up comfortably.  Standing helps but I also can't stand all day.  It's a very frustrating place to be in. 

My sister has been walking with me at the mall every few days.  We do about 1.5-2 hours each time and each time I contract constantly and have pressure.  Then it all stops after I get home and drink some water.  It's such a tease.  On Friday evening we went out again.  Just before 8 we decided to leave for home and as I was pulling my coat from the back of the car and standing in the parking lot, my water broke!  It was this uncontrollable gush of fluid that soaked me from my waist to my feet, even my beloved Toms.  I just sort of stood there in the dark parking lot, with a small puddle beneath me, and didn't know what to do next.  My sister came back out of the car and asked why I wasn't getting in.  I told her I either peed myself A LOT or my water broke.  She rushed over to my side of the car and confirmed what I thought, water.  So she got in the driver's seat and we took a quick trip back to her house for towels.  I called Seth and let him know what was happening and then called my doctor who said to just go over to triage so they could check things out.  I really couldn't believe this.  My water didn't break at the start of labor with Delia and I already had an epidural when they did it in the hospital.  I drove home and experienced a couple more small gushes just before getting in to the house.  Seth already called his parents who were on their way to stay with Delia.  I packed up the rest of my bag and thought, "well, this is really it....finally after all this preterm stuff".

It was a busy night at triage and we had to wait a little while for a bed.  Once you're settled they do a test to confirm that it is amniotic fluid leaking by swabbing and then looking at it under a microscope.  They asked me a lot of questions and I very quickly got the feeling that they didn't think my water had broken.  After looking under the scope, the midwife came in and told me it was not fluid but discharge and they were sending me home.  I was shocked.  I told her again how much had come out of me.  I knew it wasn't pee and I had never heard of discharge soaking your pants down to your feet.  It was a gush of liquid, not some little trickle.  I was (and still am) so upset.  I couldn't believe I was going through this after everything else.  She said sometimes there are pockets that can build up and release (again, never heard of this before) but would do an ultrasound to measure the fluid just to be sure.  A resident came up to do the ultrasound and he said I had an abundance of fluid (maybe a little more than average) and a healthy looking baby.  So that's it, I wasn't in labor and home I went.  I was angry, emotional, upset and I cried. 

I know these last few weeks are a drop in time but they feel so long when you are going through them.  I always remind myself so that I don't say something foolish to a pregnant woman at the end of her pregnancy.  I find that people very quickly forget how miserable they were and lack the sympathy that we overly hormonal preggos need.  Soon this guy will come and I will have him in my arms.  I just really hope I don't have to go through any more false alarms.  Emotionally, I don't think I can handle it. 

36 weeks and hurricane sandy.

It's been an interesting week.  Monday morning I had my weekly doctor appointment and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that there had been no progress.  It's good though because it means the pills were doing their job.  My GBS test results were negative (no IV meds needed during delivery) and my 3 hour glucose tolerance results were all normal draws (I knew it!).  So I'm glad all that nonsense is over.  Tuesday was the day to stop the procardia.  I think my 11:30am pill was the last one I took and I wasn't quite sure what to expect.  They said I would experience a "tsunami of contractions" but I didn't know how soon it would start.  To top it off, Hurricane Sandy rolled in and we lost our power on Monday night.  On Tuesday Seth, Delia and I took ourselves over to my sister's house who still had electricity to spend the day.  We spent Tuesday night at home and while watching a movie on the laptop, I started to experience some contractions.  Nothing a few bottles of water couldn't help though.  On Wednesday, still without power and a house becoming ever colder, Delia and I went back to my sister's (Seth's company opened up again).  Since Wednesday was Halloween, we took Delia trick or treating that night and I decided to join in on the walking in hopes that it would help move things along.  Our power returned Wednesday night but we stayed at my sister's house since we had already planned on it.  I'm so thankful that we could crash with her but I was happy to be able to go home on Thursday.  Unfortunately, we didn't do much to save anything in our refrigerator or freezer so upon my return home, I basically just cleaned out the whole thing.  That was not on my list of nesting tasks but I suppose it needed to be done anyway.  I also did some laundry, general cleaning up and made a trip to the grocery store (with Delia in tow) to restock some essentials.  I overdid it, as I usually do, and I was having constant contractions throughout the day.  As fast as they were coming, they still weren't "real" labor though and after I finally took a break, sat down and guzzled water, they tapered off.  I was able to rest a bit on the couch which turned out to be beneficial because I was so stuffed up overnight that I didn't sleep much. 

I am admittedly miserable.  I'm never comfortable, I can't do anything easily and I'd much rather have this little guy on the outside instead of the inside right now.  I know I'm weeks away from my due date but I really hope he comes early now that I know they won't stop him.  I plan on trying some natural induction methods this weekend.  

Picture update:

36 weeks.

36 weeks, 3 days.  I only added this because it's the one time I've managed to put boots on this pregnancy.  Noteworthy of course. 

35 (almost 36) weeks. still preggo.

Well, we made it through the hard part.  At my appointment this past Monday, my doctor officially released me from bed rest.  She said, "Not to sound rude, but I don't care what you do from here on out."  Most people will think 35 weeks is still too soon to have a baby and I admit, I'd like him to cook a bit longer, but I feel much more comfortable now than I did 2 weeks ago.  The steroid shots have developed his lungs to that of 37 weeks gestation (which is generally considered full term).  I am still taking procardia but I am now on an every 6 hour cycle instead of 4.  On Tuesday I will stop them completely.  My contractions have not completely disappeared and now that I'm actually up moving around a little more they have increased.  The worst is yet to come though.  Apparently when you stop taking this medicine, contractions will hit like a tsunami.  This could last for a couple days.  Now I'm just concerned that I'll be so used to it that I won't know when the real labor actually starts!  My water didn't break on its own with Delia and I can't assume that it will this time.  Then at least I'd have a sure sign.  I sort of feel like a first time mom all over again since this pregnancy has been drastically different from the first.  I barely had any braxton hicks then and when contractions started, they were the real thing. 

Without the help of my family staying with me (my sister Kelsey and my mom) and all the wonderful meals that were brought to us by friends, I would not have been able to follow the bed rest restrictions.  With a 20 month old, it's pretty impossible to sit on a couch all day.  We've had such great help and I'm very, very thankful for that.  Seth and I are so fortunate to have family that's close and friends that care. 

If I could guarantee his health, I'd have this little guy today.  I'm so uncomfortable.  I don't sleep well between taking the pills, going to the bathroom and general pregnancy aches and pains.  I'm really looking forward to the benefit of all these things.  Just a few more weeks, right?

34 week belly.....he dropped causing more reasons to be uncomfortable.

35 weeks belly

heading to week 34 and preterm labor.

So yeah, I never thought I'd be one of these people.  High risk pregnancies are not uncommon.  I know people that have experienced them and I feel horrible saying that I've never paid much attention to it.  I had a perfect uncomplicated pregnancy my first time around.  I'm young, generally in good health and there never seemed a reason to worry.  I didn't think I'd be joining this club.

Here's the story:
Probably around the time I last posted, I had started experiencing some braxton hicks (BH) contractions.  Again, not uncommon in your third trimester.  Unfortunately I seemed to be experiencing them more often than I should have been.  I let it go for quite some time, pushing it off to the back of my mind and continuing on with my very hectic life.  A week ago Friday while sitting at work I had been feeling okay and was hit by several BH right in a row accompanied by sudden intense back pain.  Normally I wouldn't think anything of the back pain as that's been present for most of my pregnancy but I had a mother to be massage earlier in the week and my back was actually feeling quite good.  My sister said she thought it was time I called the doctor.  We go to the same OB/GYN and her having 4 kids herself, I trusted her judgment.  I know she's like me and tends to push herself more than she should so if she thought I should call, then I should probably call.  My midwife was on call as it was already after hours and she told me to leave work, take some tylenol, a nice hot bath, drink a lot of water and rest.  Doing these things seemed to help some and I went on with the weekend as normal.  Monday morning was my scheduled appointment.  We discussed the contractions I'd been experiencing and the Friday night incident.  She decided to check me and do a fetal fibronectin test since I was still pretty early along.  The check proved that my cervix was still long and closed (great news) and the test results would take a few hours to come back.  I was informed that if I did not hear from her, the results were negative and everything was fine.  The downside to this appointment was that I failed my second 1 hour glucose tolerance test by a few points and they wanted me to take the 3 hour one plus I was slightly anemic and needed iron supplements. 

Side note:  A fetal fibronectin test is a better indication that preterm labor will NOT occur.  It is usually used to rule out this possibility.  If positive, that really only means that there is a chance the woman will experience preterm labor in the next 2 weeks. 

I did not hear from my midwife on Monday afternoon so I assumed the results were negative and everything was peachy.  On Tuesday morning she called me.  She said the lab did not contact her with the results and she followed up that morning.  My test showed positive (a chance I could experience preterm labor) and because I was still early at only 33 weeks, they wanted me to to get steroid shots to help develop the baby's lungs.  I was sent over to the OB triage unit at the hospital for the first shot and monitoring.  The shots must be given 24 hours apart so I knew I would have to make a trip on Wednesday as well.  So Tuesday was fun.  I spent about 5 hours in l&d.  Once hooked up to all the monitors they could see that I was contracting quite often, even ones I didn't feel.  I was put on IV fluids and given two doses of some other medicine (can't remember the name) to help stop the contractions.  This medicine made my heart race like crazy.  I was checked again and had no change in cervix.  After the second injection of this medicine, they agreed that I could go home. 

Tuesday night I was awake all night with consistent, long BH.  They weren't necessarily painful but they were strong.  I didn't call because I knew I was going back in the next day, but perhaps I should have.  I was back at triage around 12:30-1 on Wednesday, hooked up to monitors, getting more shots and just hanging out.  I was checked again and was 30% effaced and 1 cm.  Not good because that means it happened overnight.  My OB came in to see me and decided she wanted me to stay for monitoring until at least 8pm.  They were going to continue with fluids and try some meds to stop contractions.  It became apparent pretty quickly that these methods weren't working so the next step was magnesium.  I've heard some things about this and I wasn't excited.  Apparently it's very beneficial for the baby but not a party for the mom.  It made me hot, weak and gave me flu like symptoms.  I did fairly well on it for the first 12-15 hours but after that I was starting to lose my positive attitude.  I couldn't get out of bed during that time so that means a catheter :( and I couldn't sleep.  I was on magnesium until about 4:30pm on Thursday and then they started an oral medicine called procardia.  My contractions had not been eliminated completely but they had definitely spaced out.  My OB felt that should they be held at bay overnight during observation, I would be allowed to go home.  Friday I was released with a prescription to take procardia every 4 hours and bed rest. 

That leaves me here, living by an alarm.  I'm really not allowed to do much but go to the bathroom.  Fortunately we have one on each floor.  I can't do steps more than 2-3 times a day.  It's really hard to stick to these guidelines but Seth has been amazing and my sister Kelsey is staying with us for the week.  My doctor would really like me to get to Tuesday - 34 weeks - and then work on making it to the following Tuesday at 35 weeks.  She said she won't keep restrictions on me at that point even though it will still be early.  It will give the baby sufficient time to have the steroid shots do their job and there will be a greater chance he won't spend any time in the NICU.  Of course there could still be issues but I'm trying not to think about all of that.  I'm leaning on the support of all my wonderful family and friends.  I know that other than following the doctor's orders, this is out of my control.  Some women experience these things and then go on to carry full term.  I honestly don't believe that will be the case for me because I do still have some contractions, although not consistent.  I have a strong feeling that once I'm off the meds and moving around again, things will kick into high gear.  A preterm baby is never anyone's expectations but it happens.  I just want him to be as healthy as possible when he does finally arrive.     

Hopefully these aren't the last few pictures!