just sleep dear child.

I'm just going to start by saying that last night (or early this morning) I wrote an entire post in my head.  At the time, I was also being kicked in the back by an 8.5 month old little boy who insisted on sharing my bed. 

This is about sleep.  Why?  Because it's been the topic of my life since Ty was born.  Sleep is something that should be so easy and yet, it hasn't been.  You just lay down, close your eyes and GO TO SLEEP.  It also helps if you stay sleeping for more than an hour or two.  We never had this struggle with Delia.  She slept in her crib from almost the very beginning, not wanting or needing to cuddle.  She woke 1-2 times during the night while she was breastfed and then not at all after she switched to formula.  She slept 11-12 hours.  Recently we have entered the world of nightmares with her so her sleep has been disrupted as of late, but that isn't the norm.  And then along came Ty.  I spent the first 5 weeks on the couch with him, either nursing throughout the night or just holding him.  I felt like a zombie.  Then he tricked us for about a week and a half, sleeping for 5-7 hours straight right before his 2 month appointment.  AND THEN he really showed us..... he just stopped sleeping.  He would wake constantly and cry, the only thing consoling him was being in my bed next to me and nursing.  I could handle this some nights but not every night.  I love my sleep.  I really do.  I've never been a morning person and having kids didn't change that.    I am not against the idea of bed sharing, but it's really not for me for the long term.  Now, we have made leaps and bounds since those early months with the help of a childhood friend who reached out to me after seeing my desperate posts on facebook.  Did you know there was such a thing as sleep consultants for children?  Yeah, I didn't either.  Well, Isis Parenting is one such company that offers these services.  I learned a lot about babies and their sleep habits that I didn't know before.   At the same time we started our sleep support, we made some drastic changes to Ty's diet.  Together they have brought about great improvement.  I'm obviously still not sleeping through the night and who knows when Ty will.  He still has very off nights which could be attributed to the typical teething and/or the fact that I think he's on the brink of taking a few steps on his own.  In a couple years I know I'll look back and think this time wasn't really that bad.  Seth will probably always tell you otherwise.  For now, I spend most mornings guzzling coffee though and thinking that maybe tonight will be the night.  Maybe tonight he will sleep for 8-10 straight hours. 

i just can't

"I just can't do it anymore."  When I heard those words spoken today in church followed by "That is a lie that Satan wants you to believe", I immediately turned to Seth and said, "How many times have I said that recently?"  I feel like it's sort of been my life motto since, oh, November?  It's easy to wallow in the negativity that can surround you when you are struggling to juggle 2 young kids (one of which who has been dubbed our little terror), working, many many sleepless nights, disappointment that things haven't gone just the way I wanted with this baby and insecurity over how your body has changed after that second child.  The hard part is stepping above all of that and seeing the good that your life is.  That your life is filled with love from a husband, 2 beautiful healthy children, family and friends.  That they see you amidst all the mess you feel you have become and even point out a strength here and there (that you don't think you have).  My life has not been exactly pretty these past 8 months but it's been.  Here's to the next 8 months....

2 month updates.

Since my time for blogging at the moment is seriously lacking, this might end up being a few posts wrapped into one (when I normally would have done them separately). 

Ty is 2 months old today.  The time has flown and yet dragged in parts as well.  Life the past 3 weeks has been drastically different with him and for that, I am thankful.  I wasn't sure how much longer I could go feeling less than human with all the crying despite having him attached to me 24/7.  He is now smiling and cooing and spending some time discovering on his own.  At this very moment he's sitting in his vibrating seat watching big sister and he's content to do that.  He never would have done that a month ago.   You know what's funny?  I find myself almost feeling guilty at times for putting him down (and trust me, I still hold him much more than I did with Delia).  Oh, the irony.  He is still a healthy eater and at a doctor appointment 2 weeks ago he was already 11 lbs.  Tomorrow we will go in for his 2 month well (and the dreaded vaccinations) so I'm anxious to see what he's up to.  He feels solid to me.  He has been sleeping pretty great for a newborn lately.  I have been getting one good 5-7 hour stretch from him before he wakes to eat and then he goes back down for another 2.5-3 hours.  Sometimes those last hours are spent in bed with us but I don't mind the cuddling (just not all night!  We don't want to be full time co-sleepers).  Delia wasn't a cuddler. 

Mom (me) started up weight watchers again just about 2 weeks ago.  I had the last 10-15 lbs to lose yet and unfortunately breastfeeding took all it was going to.  It was almost the same exact scenario with Delia so I was expecting it.  After the first week I was down (yay!) and this Wednesday will be my next weigh in.  I'd really like to start exercising as well but I need to find the time.  In the morning before the kids are up for the day is ideal but with Ty sleeping better, Delia has digressed so I'm still tired and staying in bed as long as the kids allow.  Slowly I'll get there. 

I've also started to log more hours at work (from home) and need to continue to increase that time.  It's a challenge some days trying to get both kids napping at the same time however having the opportunity to do so is what I've always wanted so I'm trying not to complain.  I know how difficult it would have been to leave the kids and go back to working a full time job away from them.  Not to mention the added stress of pumping while away.  I always hated that.  So some days are crazier than others and most times the house is in disarray, but this time won't last.  I have to keep reminding myself of that. 

There were a few other things I wanted to touch on but little man is starting to fuss and I need to add pictures so it will have to wait.

Two months:

Sporting some cloth (still part time since he doesn't fit in all the ones we have yet):

 

With our good friends Kaiti and Cece.  Cece was born just two days after Ty.  

And this is how I sometimes get work done.  Fussy baby likes to be close to mom.

the happiest baby?

Yesterday was the 6 week mark and to be frankly honest, they have been a very hard 6 weeks.  The excitement of the holidays helped keep eafloat despite my lowered expectations.  (Side note:  I'm one of those people who has very high expectations of special occasions and I find myself either disappointed or falling into a slight depression when things are over or don't go my way).  So Christmas came and went and we are now in the new year of 2013.  The good news is that Ty's nights have finally improved.  He's been sleeping for some longer stretches, allowing momma to sleep too, and I've had the comfort of being in my own bed instead of on the couch.  I've also had a couple nights in there where my mom or sister has helped by giving him a bottle of breastmilk for one nighttime feeding and letting me sleep through it.  It's amazing how refreshed even 5 consecutive hours of sleep can make a person feel.  On the down side, it seemed that while his nights improved his days got worse.  He would cry and fuss all day long unless I was holding him and often times while I was holding him I couldn't calm him down.  On Christmas day he was showing obvious signs of reflux and cried for 4-5 hours off and on.  That combined with toddler tantrums made for a Christmas I will surely remember.  So the very next day I took him to the pediatrician to discuss it.  We left with a prescription for zantac.  I kept waiting for some wonderful change to occur that I didn't see happening and I was starting to lose my mind.  My poor baby would just cry and I didn't know how to stop it.  Meanwhile I've been reading The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp which discusses theories behind what causes colic in young babies and how to calm them.  And just when I was about to give up, something clicked with little Ty and me.  Like the fact that it's almost 11 am and he's calmly sleeping IN HIS CRIB.  If you are struggling with a colicky babe I strongly recommend you read this book or watch the DVD.  I'm so glad it was recommended to me.  The swaddling takes practice and I am still working on it, but it's been like magic.  If he's really worked up I may not be able to put him down but he'll at least stop crying while I'm holding him.

Here's an idea of how this has worked on two separate occasions...

 

And now he's woken up from his little nap and is probably hungry so I must go.  I see happier, calmer days in our future though.  :)