38 weeks and the neverending pregnancy.

The irony of this pregnancy (besides the obvious that I had preterm labor at 33 weeks yet am somehow still pregnant at 38 weeks) is that something that will bring me so much joy and happiness in a "short" while is currently causing so much {physical} pain and moodiness.  How many times have I said that this pregnancy is very different from Delia's?  I know I sound like a broken record but only because it's true.  Everything was so easy and effortless with her.  Despite knowing that this is it for me when it comes to using my body has a baby maker, I wonder if I had another pregnancy if it would be just as hard on me or not. 

I saw my doctor twice this past week. This is the point where things may start to get a little gross and detailed but I don't think anyone who reads this blog would care.  On Tuesday I asked her to strip my membranes, knowing it might not do anything.  I was 1.5 cm and still about 50% so she obliged.  She instructed me to go home, do what you can do at this point to naturally bring on labor (walk and have sex) and come back on Friday.  I did that and also noticed some other changes in my body so I was pleased to find out on Friday morning that I had progressed to 2 cm, almost 80% effaced and the baby had moved down a bit to -2 station.  Unfortunately, nothing monumental has happened since and 2 and a half days later, I'm still pregnant. 

I'm sure some of you (and I know other people in my life) are wondering why this upsets me so much when I haven't reached my due date yet.  I will tell you.  One: I am beyond uncomfortable.  Daily I have a variety of pains that I can't escape.  The rib burning and back pain is the worst and it brings me very close to tears some days.  Two: I've prepared myself mentally to have an early baby because of the preterm issues.  It's very hard to turn that around in your head once it's no longer a possibility.  Three: I am a giant, hormonal mess and I have lost all control.  My daily mood swings are ridiculous.  I go from being somewhat happy to okay to completely depressed within hours.  Just today I had a near breakdown over a slush from sonic.  Four:  I don't want to be in the hospital on Thanksgiving.  That one is just sort of a tag-along but it's true.  I was really hoping to have this baby before then and right now I feel like that's not going to happen.  I also don't want to be induced.  I have this great fear of induction.  I haven't had the conversation yet with my doctor and I'm also afraid that even though she might say 41 weeks is okay, I will crack and ask for it to be sooner because I'm so ready to get this baby out of my body.  What's most amazing to me is that when I see that precious little baby face for the first time, all of this will seem like it was nothing. 

So here I keep going....trucking along until it's my turn.  Please don't tell me soon though.  I can't handle that phrase anymore.